Are We Short on Chefs?

I like food. Very much so. Anyone who sees me can, probably, readily assume that. (In my youth, I could lay claim to a physique that approached Carl Weathers' in Predator. Today, it's more Carl Weathers on Arrested Development.)

I even like watching the Food Network, especially on Sunday mornings, if for no other reason that to see if that saucy southern belle Paula Deen can manage to put a stick of butter into everything she cooks, including salad. Emeril I can tolerate, but the freaky cult of celebrity that surrounds him is very Children of the Damned. Watching someone cook is, when you get down to it, is like watching someone putting together a model kit. Cheering him on when he adds a spice, or says "Bam!" is patently ridiculous. But he seems to know how to cook, so, whatever. And let's not talk about Giada Di Laurentiis. Not only is she apparently the granddaughter of the producer who gave us both Dune AND Silence of the Lambs, but she is the hottest chef on TV. She turns the act of milling fresh black pepper into something dirty.

But suddenly there are cooking reality shows. Top Chef on Bravo, America's Next Food Star on Food Network, and now NBC is doing a show called Celebrity Chef Challenge (or something). Now I will sit through a proven professional plying his or her trade, but do I really need to sit and watch some nobody butcher a bisque? Are we suddenly in the midst of a chef-draught, and we need to recruit from the polloi to repopulate the ranks? I didn't think so.

I don't need to see people compete at something for which there are already established pros. It's the equivalent of flag football on ESPN. (And we're not far off: apparently, they're talking about airing domino games. Really.) And I should watch this because I'm so hard up for the sheer spectacle of competition? What, are there no other shows on TV that feature people battling for the same gilded carrot? Did all that other reality shit disappear?

Damnit, now I'm hungry again.