Dumb-Ass Press Release of the Week

Working, as I do, for Entertainment Weekly, I get hundreds of emails a day. Some of them are important, some of them are interesting, and others are just plain stupid. And the stupid ones invariably fall into two categories: 1) The ones that are promoting the most laughable products you've ever seen and 2) the ones that approach an entertainment publication with story ideas that would never fly in an entertainment publication.

So, here's the Dumbest one of the Week (thus far).

Dear Marc,

This year National Arbor Day - which celebrates the importance of planting and caring for trees - will fall on April 27th. Have you started thinking about what your Arbor Day story will be?
(snip)
Following please find examples of story ideas that I think will interest you in particular:

• Just three trees strategically placed around a home can decrease utility bills by 50%
• Residential property values can increase 5 - 20% if trees are in the landscape
• Sales at businesses on tree-lined streets are up to 12% higher
• Crime rates decrease in areas with more greenery
• Children who have a view of greenery perform better in school
• Access to green spaces relieves the symptoms of ADD, resulting in better concentration
• Access to green areas helps reduce stress and aggression in urban environments
• Each year, an acre of trees absorbs the amount of carbon produced by driving a car 26,000 miles

Would you like to receive a press kit about the tree planting celebrations and other National Arbor Day Foundation programs?

We are excited about the 2007 tree planting efforts and hope you will be able to support the extreme importance of trees to future generations through your coverage of Arbor Day. I am ready to help with photos or additional information and can quickly put you in contact with a representative from The National Arbor Day Foundation or The Home Depot Foundation.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

So long as we can drape Hayden Panetierre from the branches of a mighty oak, you got yourself a deal!

Eeesh.